im having a threesome with these popsicles
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
