how can u be prego again
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
