yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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