watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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