Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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