Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
