I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
