Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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