My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
