We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
