new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I am one with the molecules
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
