Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
