I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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