I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
