she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
you had me at cake vodka
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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