When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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