Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
