i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
