And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
nutella sex= disaster
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
