so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
