fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
