i think i have two assholes
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
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