btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
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