I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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