ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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