That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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