I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
