It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
