so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
