He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
