I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
