bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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