I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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