Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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