you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
