Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
