I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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