At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
