Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
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