He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
