38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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