Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
His hands were made for my vagina.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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