He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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