Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
