My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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