So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
