So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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