my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
