whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Randomize
