Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
