She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
