I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
