There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
