I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
