Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
