He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
operation have a gay friend backfired
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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